Yes, Dan, You Still Hate Bisexuals (I know, I can't believe it either, isn't it 2013?)

Based on the video below I can tell Dan Savage is confused about why he's constantly called biphobic by bisexual advocates and allies.

Dan Savage Responds To Accusations Of Biphobia (06/18/13)
Dan Savage: I'm Not Biphobic from The Dish on Vimeo.


When I was a kid growing up in sunny and seriously hetero-normative San Luis Obispo, CA "Savage Love", Dan's advice column was a lifeline for me.  From him I learned what to look for in a healthy queer self (or a decent vibrator).  On occasion he still provides good advice to young bisexual women, but watch out if you're a bisexual man, a married bisexual in a mixed orientation marriage (M.O.M.), or a bisexual activist!

Top 5 Reasons Dan Savage is the Definition of Biphobia 
(even if he does have bi friends) 

HE USES EXAMPLES OF HIS OWN COWARDICE TO QUESTION OUR RIGHT TO EXIST
Over and over, it's the same sentiment from Dan:

"Many adult gays and lesbians identified as bi for a few shining moments during our adolescences and coming-out processes. (We wanted to let our friends down easy; we didn't want our families to think we'd gone over the dark side entirely.) This can lead adult gays and lesbians—myself included—to doubt the professed sexual identities of bisexual teenagers."

So basically we were SOOOO COOL back in the day that you pretended to be bisexual.  After you decided to be honest about yourself, you blamed our awesomeness for your lies and have since worked quite hard to ensure we have nothing awesome left to share.  

IF WE'RE IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT WE DON'T MATTER TO DAN SAVAGE
He routinely dismisses bisexuals in opposite sex relationships, saying "You may be physically attracted to both sexes, but most of you can only fall in love with an opposite-sex partner."  The PEW study just released shows more bi people are in opposite sex relationships, which MAKES SENSE as we can potentially date 100% of people instead of just the rather paltry 3% gays get access to.  Dan rejects mathematical realities that could help the LGBT community, since obviously WE sit at the table more often with straights then they do!

HE CALLS US CLOSETED WHILE GLEEFULLY HOLDING THE DOOR SHUT
When bi men and women come out, Savage routinely mocks them, as he said in 2010:

"...but before any lesbian or bi girls out there get their hopes up: Paquin is engaged to be married to her "True Blood" co-star Stephen Moyer. Which pretty much proves that she's bisexual." 

If you're a self-identified bisexual man, then Dan has suggested gay men avoid you,

“Sorry, but avoiding bi guys is a good rule of thumb for gay men looking for long-term relationships. Outside of San Francisco’s alternate-universe bisexual community, there aren’t many bi guys who want or wind up in long-term, same-sex relationships — monogamous or not.” 

So...basically bi guys should come out of the closet so Dan can kick you in the balls, he can't see so great in the dark.

HE MINIMIZES AND MARGINALIZES OUR NUMBERS

"...both personal experience and science—science!—conspire to support the hypothesis that legitimately bisexual guys are few and far between" he said in 2011.  

Sure, there's more bi women than men statistically speaking, just like there's more white folks than black.  Just because Native Americans account for .08% of the population doesn't mean it's OK to question their continued existence.  


WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT BETTER THAN THIS FROM YOU
Savage created It Gets Better to help LGBT youth being bullied or taking their own lives, but study after study says bisexual AND transgender youth are more likely to be bullied or commit suicide than gay or lesbian youth.  Dan Savage's condemnation of bisexual youth who identify themselves as bisexual is severe and costly; hating isn't the way to save lives, only love can save lives. 

Dan, I hope that clarifies things for you.  If you'd like to debate this in a public forum with a bisexual antagonist who will never "comfortably disappear into presumed heterosexuality" shoot me an email.  

My Article on Advocate.com

Read my article on advocate.com! Was talking to my mom last night about LGBT everything, and the definition of marriage when she said, "You should tell The Advocate, YOU ARE THE ADVOCATE!" Ever since I was a kid I'm been running orgs and protesting inequality, from my middle school's Jungle Fever ball to minstrels popping up in high school wearing fake dreads and dark colored makeup. That was just growing up in San Luis Obispo, CA to some extent. And then when I came out, there were even more things to fight for. I believe we can move to closer to equality, just takes time and effort. Join us on Monday night at La Cienega and Centinela in Ladera Heights for the next People of Color in their own communities protesting H8!

Feel the impact this Saturday as well, LA City Hall @ 10am!

La Lohan Bi, "Maybe"

Asked if she considers herself bisexual, Lohan, 22, says, "Maybe. Yeah."

A lesbian? "No," Lohan says.

"I don't want to classify myself," she explains. "First of all, you never know what's going to happen — tomorrow, in a month, a year from now, five years from now.

- Us Mag

Bi's love Linds! I once saw Lindsey Lohan on the UCLA campus, she was being driven in from Hilgard and at the stop sign she tried to drink some water and instead the bottle splashed cold water all down her front. She laughed all the way down the hill and it was pretty much adorable. I liked her in Parent Trap, Freaky Friday and Mean Girls. I was super impressed with her dancing, singing and hosting skills at the VMA's awhile back. And then she slipped into the celeb downward spiral slip stream...once you get caught as a clickable, it's hard for the tabs to let you go. Been real encouraged by her pulling ass up by the bra straps all the while combating her fake ass dad, girl I can understand that!

Go Linds.

Lindsey and her old friend Courtney Semel, who now dates Tila Tequila. I think Semel has the cutest ears ever, lil elfin bits. Neways, back to other things.

The Bi Is Back!

I asked a question, in desperation. Like sand skipping unnaturally back into the sea, bisexuality is disappearing. A famous celeb declares love for a woman, as she has for men before and a biological reality isn't even broached. Tila Tequila cements bisexuality as a culture, as a way of living and not a life. Words Matter and I'm screaming them from the proverbial rooftops.

I'm really thankful Ted C. of E! Online posted my question in the first place and sparked up a conversation, kicking some folks into gear within our own bisexual community. To me that is the work of an ally. An ally is not necessarily me, they don't always say it the way I would want but they help get us closer. Use the chance to educate and invigorate! Sure, we attack ourselves and allies before rushing out the door in the right way, but eventually righteous fire finds it's true mark. Perhaps some saw the poll as a last straw, but I think that's an unconscious way to look at it. The poll represents reality, what are you doing to change someone's mind about that if you disagree? Folks, including Ted C. I might add, worked years to help change opinion on same sex marriage and the need for visibility (have you forgotten Toothy Tile?)

Bisexuals have to and are doing the same, and we must keep trying.

In response to the poll, and with great love I sent this to Ted:

Sorry that my half hearted attempt to question the lack of "bisexual option" for La Lohan turned some bisexuals on the wrong way.
"or as "out & proud" Sheela Lambert notes ". . . there is one for haters and two for heteroflexible girls. I dont want to sign up as either an experimenter or dating a girl until I meet the right guy. I have been out as bi for over 30 years and have dated both guys, women and transgender people" - Bialogue

So how about it Ted, feel like adding a button? There's No and Maybe, but no definitive Yes is there? Remember we're not exactly a highway from one orientation to the next, but more of a welcome mat of goodness. Step gently?

He replied in the affirmative, respectfully and warmly so. Folks out there may not know E!, may not have spent the years chilling with Talk Soup, adoring Anna Nicole, or incorporating a good amount of TEDSPEAK into their vocabulary. Personally, I'm proud that Ted is one of my biggest influences as a writer, all that casual wit and sarcastic sweetness in a shiny hunk of a package to boot. He's like the Douglas Adams of Gossip and lucky for US, he came out years and years ago. He got married and has held the queer flag in high profile for plenty a day. I think that should count for a damn lot.

Me, myself, I consider myself a bisexual activist -- I reclaim the word, and see myself as two and whole at the same time. STILL I'VE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO ENTER A CHURCH THAT DON'T LIKE QUEERS, HAVE YOU?


This is some horrid stuff, cants believe it would happen in October of 2008. Wait, I can.

From Lauren Parke*,

The Director of Safety from Palm Beach Atlantic University read a statement as we gathered outside the school's chapel on Monday, October 13, 2008. "You are unwanted guests." Fully aware that handcuffs were waiting, six of us then stepped forward, persisting in our intention to attend the morning service there. Arris and Lindsay, two students whom we'd spoken with extensively the day before, had been so certain we would be allowed in that they even promised to sit with us. Tears streamed down their faces as the police slipped zip-ties around our wrists and loaded us into their van. Our fellow Riders held hands and tried to hold back their own tears as they sung, "Just As I Am."

What are you doing today? When's the last time you made a stand? Sent an email, took action, let someone know how you feel and/or made a ruckus?

Do Something. Today. Stand for bisexuality, for same sex marriage, for Obama, and healing the world as we recognize all of the diversity still striving within.

*(disclosure:Best almost-a-date I ever had)

Vote! On Bisexuality!

So...now E! has a poll on bisexuality, please go vote! I'd feel a lot better about stirring the pot if 20% of respondents hadn't said "Not a chance, it's a stop on the way to homoville"...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b63567_polling_all_body_parts.html

Bi Now, Gay Later?

Do you think true bisexuality actually exists?

• 29.4% Not a chance, it's a stop on the way to homoville.
• 19.9% Sure, I'm a little Anne Heche. I've experimented with both sexes.
• 50.7% Angelina Jolie dabbled with a woman and found her way to Brad Pitt. Works for me.

Bisexuals Make Ted's Mailbag: Lindsey Lohan

WooT! My letter re: LaLohan's potential bisexuality made it onto E!'s Awful Truth!



Thanks Ted for including a link to the Words Matter piece by LindaSusan!

VOTE NO ON 8!

Hear Lindsey Lohan Come Out!

It would be awesome if she came out as bi, joining the ranks of the Angie and Alan!
Hear La Lohan on LOVELINE last night!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/19254207fd42c001/

I remember when I was a kid I called into Loveline to discuss something. All I remember is Adam Carolla talking shit on San Luis Obispo, CA my hometown. The piss stop of California he called it! So what if he's sorta kinda right, there's plenty of other good things that spring from SLO like Jamba Juice and me.

I met Ann Dexter Jones, Sam's mom, during my time in NYC. She's like the nicest woman ever!

Happy Bi Day!

SEPTEMBER 23RD IS CELEBRATE BISEXUALITY DAY!!!


Hooray for all bisexual, bi, fluid, ambi, pansexual men and women out there!

Hooray for all those who are not afraid to love whom they love, regardless of gender!


Famous Bis in History:

Alexander the Great
Marlon Brando
David Bowie
Margaret Cho
Kurt Cobain
Allen Cumming
Emily Dickinson
Ani DiFranco
Sophie B. Hawkins
Anne Heche
Angelina Jolie
Frida Kahlo
Alfred Kinsey
Calvin Klein
Fritz Klein
Madonna
Megan Mullally
Eleanor Roosevelt
Michael Stipe
Jeff Stryker

More bi celebrities: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bisexual_people



Info about Celebrate Bisexuality Day:

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrate_Bisexuality_Day



Bi Orgs/Resources in Los Angeles Area:

AMBI (A Meeting of Bi Individuals) Los Angeles: www.ambilosangeles.com

Biosphere @ the Los Angeles Center: http://www.lagaycenter.org/site/PageServer?pagename=YW_CT_Bisexual_Men_Women

Bi Chat @ the Long Beach Center: http://www.centerlb.org/aboutUs/useOfCenter.php

LABL (Los Angeles Bisexual List): http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LABL/



Bi Orgs/Resources in California:

Bay Area Bisexual Network (BABN): http://www.babn.org/

South Bay Bisexual Organizers and Activists (SOBOA): http://www.soboa.org/

Bi-Friendly San Francisco & East Bay: http://frap.org/bifriendly/

The Chasing Amy Social Club (SF area): http://www.chasingamysocialclub.com/

San Diego Bisexual Forum: http://www.biforumsd.org/

UC Davis Bi Visibility Project: http://lgbtrc.ucdavis.edu/?page_id=12



Bi Orgs/Resources on National Level:

BiNetUSA: http://www.binetusa.org/

Bisexual Resource Center: http://www.biresource.net/index.shtml

American Institute on Bisexuality (AKA Bisexual Foundation): http://www.bisexual.org/home.html

With pride,
Mimi Hoang, Ph.D.
Bi/fluid psychologist, researcher, educator, and activist

Open Letter to EqualityForAll.com

"Gay and lesbian couples are legally marrying in California. Many more are planning weddings and celebrations."

Your website could read instead:
Lesbian, Gay Bisexual and Transgender couples are legally marrying in California. Many more are planning weddings and celebrations.
OR
LGBT couples are legally marrying in California. Many more are planning weddings and celebrations.
OR
Same sex couples are legally marrying in California. Many more are planning weddings and celebrations.

Bisexuals are up in arms, and such transparent biphobia only hurts the fight!

http://lindasusan.blogspot.com/2008/07/words-matter.html
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/06/16/why-this-queer-isnt-celebrating/
http://biwriters.livejournal.com/56649.html
http://community.livejournal.com/_bi_gals_/57293.html

THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE: "Bisexuals who married same sex partners in California, Massachusetts, New York, or Belgium, the Netherlands or Canada have a distinct perspective on marriage equality. It's not who you love that's important, but how you love and that you love, and are loved in return. All the ways we make families and intimate connection are important and all are equally valuable and worthy of societal support. - Dr. Loraine Hutchins

IS THIS WHAT EQUALITYFORALL.COM BELIEVES?
As with gays and lesbian marriages, bi-sexuals would base their claim on the fact that they are people with a minority sexual orientation who wish to "live out their love(s)" and gain the social recognition of their relationships that they have been denied historically. Like gay and lesbian liaisons, the argument could be that failure to recognized bi-sexual relationships is due to stereotypical treatment causing historical disadvantaged. If it is good for gays and lesbians to be able to marry in accordance with their sexual orientation and procreation no longer provides an adequate argument for restricting marriage to heterosexuals, as courts in Canada have recently ruled, then this must also be so for bi-sexuals. A move to accept bi-sexual marriage, however, means that marriage cannot be limited to merely two people for what is bi-sexuality but the sexual love for both sexes? - Catholic Educational Resource

Beyond Biphobia

There's a reason we use LGBT. When I read lesbian and gay, I cringe because I'm not either and couldn't ever be. There's been some recent uproar in the community as the words "same sex" are tossed out the window in favor for "lesbian and gays", words more palatable to the str8s in terms of marriage. I understand the strategy, but much like HRC's "let's not bring in the trans just yet" debacle it speaks volumes of how much work there still is left to do. Via Bialogue, I'm posting a portion of biactivist's Lindasusan's post re: her stand during recent No on 8 mtgs. There was an apology given, but we must remain vigilant and demand that our LGT allies recognize a long invisible people.

Words matter. Not just some of them, and not just some of the time. Just as marriage is not the same as domestic partnership, bringing the entire queer community along is not the same as throwing some of us under the bus.

Names matter. I have chosen to name myself “bisexual” as a political stand for all people whose attractions span beyond one gender. Even as I acknowledge the word’s limitations, I also understand its rich history and its role in determining our real allies.

During last year’s fight over the non-inclusive ENDA, the queer community came together in extraordinary fashion and true solidarity with transgender and gender-nonconforming people. Organizations and individuals across the spectrum expressed justifiable outrage that some of us were being left by the side of the road, with only vague promises of getting picked up at an undetermined later date.

During this season of celebration, where is the outrage on bisexuals’ behalf? My gay and lesbian colleagues didn’t even notice that fundraising emails from nonprofits fighting the ballot measure kept talking about “gay and lesbian” couples. Why didn’t they get angry for me? If people I consider good friends and allies don’t even have my back, who will?

At the time of the ENDA fight, I suspected that if bisexuals were the ones left to wait at the side of the road, we would never have received the same outpouring of support. Sadly, I couldn’t even imagine it. Even more sadly, it turns out I was right.

Are you like Angie, bisexual and/or open to loving people regardless of gender?

Take the test to find out

What Went Wrong In The 1st Place

You're straight or gay if you look at your hands a certain way or have an index finger that is freakishly long, or short I do forget, as it's not really the point. The question of what separates gay and straight, is what is wrong in the first place. I might mention that I am not gay or straight, and NOT something in-between but a different being, bisexual. Biphobia and lack of confirmation on our existence is still evident today in even the most progressive Lesbian, Gay and Transgender casted tv shows who use the B as a highway. Bisexuality is how how you are before you're gay, or if you "decide" for some CRAZY reason that you're not Really gay but straight? You will be bisexual for awhile!

I've decided to stay rooted on this spot of so called indecision. When I asked myself, do I want to be gay or straight what is it? I couldn't decide and it bothered me on the insides. And then, I got it: Every time I ask that question I will not be able to answer it. I cannot like one or the other. I cannot fall in love with one or the other. Will I meet that person for forever, I hope so! But I cannot choose how it will go, and it'll always feel very wrong to try. I'm 100% proudly bi. To clarify, it feels wrong in that way it must feel if you're straight and think about being gay. Eww. A gay who shudders at "that", a lesbian who'd rather not handle certain equipments. Total yuck factor, for me it would be wrong to choose, something I am not and a lie no one should be forced to live.

I do believe there are progressions in humanity and that enlightenment was not just one period of historical time. Intolerance however has always equaled invisibility and a fight to be seen. All canon must be re-created, facts and fables. In my opinion our country of America is the best machine for this, constantly re-drawing ley lines of legend, myth and memory to produce popularizing therefore polarized mass life forms: Barak Obama, American Idol, George Bush, iTunes. And inside the fight must continue, how many people like the gays according to "popular stats" ? See our machine keeps track of that, correlating Brokeback Mountain jokes with an increase in scores, and sad slight upticks in Bill O'Reilly and downticks in Al Gore. We all have to keep fighting at the same time, Each Other Them Us, not a destructive force but with a firm, challenging cunning that is ready to refresh memories. Like perhaps never before, we must know that there are people right behind, never spoken and still not ready to emerge.

Bisexual Wins NY State Office

(PHOTO FROM JUSTJARED.COM, SUPPORT ANOTHER BISEXUAL AND PICK UP ANGELINA JOLIE ON THE COVER OF MARIE CLAIRE!)

With 100 percent of precincts reporting Tuesday night, Micah Kellner was declared the new state Assemblyman for the Upper East Side and Roosevelt Island. Kellner, a Democrat, beat out Republican Greg Camp with 64.36 percent of the votes to fill the 65th District seat left vacant by former Assemblyman Alexander "Pete" Grannis. Grannis served for more than 30 years before leaving to become the state's environmental conservation commissioner.

A former congressional aide, Kellner was endorsed by Senator Hillary Clinton and the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund...The 28-year old Kellner is the first openly bisexual member of the state Legislature to be elected.

YES! Every day it gets better and better for us bi's, good for him! And a disabled rights activist, hot good goddamn - - Where's the Michah Kellner Fan Club, can I be a member?





MORE QUEER NEWS OF NOTE, CHECK OUT SMART BRIEF YO!

SmartBrief Headlines

• How will gay play in Dallas mayoral election?
• Groups line up against surgeon general candidate
• Philadelphia closer to ending Scout discount because of gay policy
• Colorado shows the difference a decade, activism can make
• Conservative gays find foes on left and right
• Challenges of being a transgender cop
• Murder victim remembered
• Coalition calls on clergy to accept gay, trans flock

MORE ANGELINA?
Read the thoughts of her partner (along with his buddy George Clooney) on their new film, Ocean's Thirteen

I'm curious what you think of the state of the male movie star in Hollywood right now.

PITT: I'm actually a woman trapped in a man's body. We're going to be doing something about that soon.

Is Angelina aware of this?
PITT: Yeah, she's all for it. Kinda into it, actually.

OR READ THIS LOVELY QUOTE FROM HER:

"I love women and men equally and I see people and love as love, so I think it makes sense that a woman would know I'd appreciate and love her as much as I would a man."

OR LEARN SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW BY WATCHING


FROM WIKIPEDIA

• Angelina Jolie's Refugee Journals, Jolie's journals (2002-2004) at UNHCR.org
• Journey Through Eastern Congo, multimedia journal, narrated by Jolie
• What's Going On? - Child Refugees in Tanzania, 30 minute video, featuring Jolie in Tanzania

Bisexual is different from gay, different from straight. Gay is different from straight, and different from bi. Equally so. - Faith

Bloc Party Bi? YAY FOR BISEXUALS!

Okereke determined to give A Weekend in the City more sign-of-the-times heft - 'to weave a tapestry of lots of different views and issues and perspectives to create an overall sense of what life in a metropolis is like in the 21st century'.

Harsh realities are also rammed home on other new songs. The words to 'Where is Home?' begin at the funeral of Christopher Alaneme, the black teenager stabbed in small-town Kent last April. Okereke describes him as a cousin, although they weren't related by blood; their mums, both Nigerian, were very good friends. Okereke says that ultimately the song is about the fostering, by right-wing newspapers, of a fear of 'The Other'. That is, black youth in hoodies. And how that then means opportunities denied.

'I just feel that every non-white teenager will know what I'm talking about when I say that certain avenues in this country are closed to you. Whenever I walk into a pub in London I feel frightened. There are certain activities that are still more predominantly white.' He and his flatmate, a white Austrian girl, have been abused by bigots who thought they were a mixed-race couple. The multicultural melting pot, Okereke concludes, is unworkable.

Does it please him, I ask, that he might be a role model for a 15-year-old Bloc Party fan in Essex who's unsure, insecure?

'I guess that's the only reason [to speak out], isn't it?' he says. 'To speak to young people in their impressionable formative years - and say something that could help them make sense of their lives. Lessen the sense of alienation and isolation that they might have. I think that's something that definitely ... I'd be proud of. That we could say that there are alternative ways of behaving, of living one's life.'

He goes on to cite a quote from groundbreaking lesbian novel The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall - it had a profound impact on him when he was writing 'I Still Remember'.

It takes a couple of hours - and my telling him that he's without peer, so no wonder he's a bit all over the place - for Okereke to offer further clarification. 'Well, there are some famous bisexuals. Brian Molko [from Placebo] I guess. David Bowie. Morrissey. It's not like that this is an impulse that's... Sorry, can I just get this?' His mobile has just rung, saving him more discomfort.

The next day Okereke emails Radclyffe Hall's words to me. 'You are neither unnatural nor abominable, nor mad,' it begins. 'You're as much a part of what people call nature as anyone else, only you are unexplained as yet - you've got your niche in creation.'

OH MY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN! YES! I've been pretty sure about him since falling for Bloc Party in 05, head over heels like most rock aficionados. Pioneers is my fav bloc party song, here's my fav bit:

So here we are reinventing the wheel
I'm shaking hands with a hurricane
It's a colour that I can't describe,
It's a language I can't understand
Ambition, tearing out the heart of you
Carving lines into you
Dripping down the sides of you

We will not be the last.