Yes, Dan, You Still Hate Bisexuals (I know, I can't believe it either, isn't it 2013?)

Based on the video below I can tell Dan Savage is confused about why he's constantly called biphobic by bisexual advocates and allies.

Dan Savage Responds To Accusations Of Biphobia (06/18/13)
Dan Savage: I'm Not Biphobic from The Dish on Vimeo.


When I was a kid growing up in sunny and seriously hetero-normative San Luis Obispo, CA "Savage Love", Dan's advice column was a lifeline for me.  From him I learned what to look for in a healthy queer self (or a decent vibrator).  On occasion he still provides good advice to young bisexual women, but watch out if you're a bisexual man, a married bisexual in a mixed orientation marriage (M.O.M.), or a bisexual activist!

Top 5 Reasons Dan Savage is the Definition of Biphobia 
(even if he does have bi friends) 

HE USES EXAMPLES OF HIS OWN COWARDICE TO QUESTION OUR RIGHT TO EXIST
Over and over, it's the same sentiment from Dan:

"Many adult gays and lesbians identified as bi for a few shining moments during our adolescences and coming-out processes. (We wanted to let our friends down easy; we didn't want our families to think we'd gone over the dark side entirely.) This can lead adult gays and lesbians—myself included—to doubt the professed sexual identities of bisexual teenagers."

So basically we were SOOOO COOL back in the day that you pretended to be bisexual.  After you decided to be honest about yourself, you blamed our awesomeness for your lies and have since worked quite hard to ensure we have nothing awesome left to share.  

IF WE'RE IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT WE DON'T MATTER TO DAN SAVAGE
He routinely dismisses bisexuals in opposite sex relationships, saying "You may be physically attracted to both sexes, but most of you can only fall in love with an opposite-sex partner."  The PEW study just released shows more bi people are in opposite sex relationships, which MAKES SENSE as we can potentially date 100% of people instead of just the rather paltry 3% gays get access to.  Dan rejects mathematical realities that could help the LGBT community, since obviously WE sit at the table more often with straights then they do!

HE CALLS US CLOSETED WHILE GLEEFULLY HOLDING THE DOOR SHUT
When bi men and women come out, Savage routinely mocks them, as he said in 2010:

"...but before any lesbian or bi girls out there get their hopes up: Paquin is engaged to be married to her "True Blood" co-star Stephen Moyer. Which pretty much proves that she's bisexual." 

If you're a self-identified bisexual man, then Dan has suggested gay men avoid you,

“Sorry, but avoiding bi guys is a good rule of thumb for gay men looking for long-term relationships. Outside of San Francisco’s alternate-universe bisexual community, there aren’t many bi guys who want or wind up in long-term, same-sex relationships — monogamous or not.” 

So...basically bi guys should come out of the closet so Dan can kick you in the balls, he can't see so great in the dark.

HE MINIMIZES AND MARGINALIZES OUR NUMBERS

"...both personal experience and science—science!—conspire to support the hypothesis that legitimately bisexual guys are few and far between" he said in 2011.  

Sure, there's more bi women than men statistically speaking, just like there's more white folks than black.  Just because Native Americans account for .08% of the population doesn't mean it's OK to question their continued existence.  


WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPECT BETTER THAN THIS FROM YOU
Savage created It Gets Better to help LGBT youth being bullied or taking their own lives, but study after study says bisexual AND transgender youth are more likely to be bullied or commit suicide than gay or lesbian youth.  Dan Savage's condemnation of bisexual youth who identify themselves as bisexual is severe and costly; hating isn't the way to save lives, only love can save lives. 

Dan, I hope that clarifies things for you.  If you'd like to debate this in a public forum with a bisexual antagonist who will never "comfortably disappear into presumed heterosexuality" shoot me an email.  

Touching the Third Rail, Bisexual Identity

To emphasize just how confusing and stupid Chris Cristie's stance on “ex-gay therapy” is, John Aravosis recently said,

"Gov. Christie is bi on gays" Americablog Article

"The spokesman declined, however, to say whether Christie would support the legislation banning the phony therapy.  So in other words, Chris Christie is bi.  Or maybe bi-curious, or simply ‘questioning.’  As I noted the other day, the entire notion of “curing” gays is laughable..."- Gov. Christie is bi on gays

Aravosis clearly associates sickness with social intolerance and I would agree, if not for his use of the bisexual orientation to emphasize just how horrible ex-gay conversion is!  Ex-gay therapy has been used on many people with no success, including me.  When I shot a video for Wayne Besen ofTruthWinsOut.org, it was hard for me to talk about being "prayed on" or having "my demons called out".  After growing up in a black Pentecostal church, I was real blessed to reconcile my spirituality with a fundamentalist upbringing.  From Pentecostal fire I jumped raised fist first right into being a radical black lesbian.  Eventually though coming out as bisexual became a necessity, for too long I was a lesbian to my gay friends and a bisexual to my straight ones.   

Like so many bisexuals, I've always been "something kinda queer" but how "out" I was depended on my safety and circumstances.  Being an out bi person in queer spaces was usually hurtful because of the incessant feeling that gay people SHOULD understand me better, instead of writing me off as a the rare half-breeder or regular ol' liar and cheat.  Being out in straight spaces meant immediate offers to discuss my sex life or threesomes, but better that than ridicule!  At least the straight people don’t want me trapped in their closet, so much as tied to their bed.  Recently the wife of a NYC mayoral candidate was outed as having a history of sexual fluidity, and subsequent reporting by gay and straights was gossipy, rude, and overtly biphobic. "Not only was she in interracial marriage but she used to be a LESBIAN!", as if any one person would dare to break so many rules at once.  Have gay and straight people found something to really agree on?  Are bisexuals the third rail in identity politics? 

If like John Aravosis you say, 

"I'm one of the few gay people I know who believes you even exist, and has defended you publicly" 

you can basically piss off because we'd like you to stop pissing in our face.  Stop pretending that believing we exist is the same as believing we matter!  We matter because we created Pride and testified against DADT. We matter because we are the barrier breakers and boundary makers.  And we should matter MORE now that we're dying in a silent epidemic of self-inflicted overdoses, snapped necks and lacks of nets.  

For while the gay and lesbian community tout statistics on the poverty levels of the "LGBT" community they neglect the fact bisexuals are more impoverished than gay and lesbians.  By A LOT.  If you are bisexual, contrary to popular opinion you have LESS privilege than a gay or straight person.  If you identify as bisexual things will shake out worse for you than gays, lesbians OR straights in: health outcomes, sexual assault, rape, stalking, smoking, substance abuse, alcoholism, breast cancer detection, domestic violence, depression and/or anxiety.  But what will really make you want to kill yourself is being told by well-meaning queer folks that YOU’VE  got it BETTER than anyone else.  It's one way to maintain a stigmatizing gaze on us creatures of complexity, for we know the truth: we're the devil that gay people get in bed with, only to use us up and pretend they've got a prayer breakfast in the morning.  Even though we've been part of the rainbow from the beginning these days bi, pan, fluid, and queer folks are being betrayed by the gays who say they love us.  

As gay people keep trying to do math with invisible numbers, we majority of the LGBT community need to rise up! We must insist being bisexual isn’t something we'll ever be cured from!  We must reject attempts to erase and eradicate our lives with jokes, harassment and hate.  As we near a day where gay marrieds are just as smug as straight, bisexual people are still fighting for their lives with $0 in resources.  Try as one might to dismantle our orientation as "binary" (like a lesbian who won't sleep with men would care!) or a "passing phase", we who exist will ALWAYS exist and we will keep shaking our fists!

Something New Every Day: June Jordan, Bisexual Boundary Crosser

June Jordan

"[I]f I am not free and if I am not entitled equal to heterosexuals and homosexuals then homosexual men and women have joined with the dominant heterosexual culture in the tyrannical pursuit of E Pluribus Unum and I a bisexual woman committed to cultural pluralism and, therefore to sexual pluralism, can only say, you better watch your back!" - June Jordan, On Bisexuality and Cultural Pluralism, in AFFIRMATIVE ACTS

Like June Jordan, I am of West-Indian/African descent and bisexual!  According to this great SheWired article, 

"Jordan derived her bisexual and  biracial perspectives from having  transgressed two more societal boundaries --an interracial marriage with a white man, and having given birth to a biracial child, both scoffed at during her time by blacks and whites  in this country. But it is Jordan’s “boundary crossings” that gave her the intellectual breath on an issue, and by extension she gave us a new way to see ourselves and the world."

 And in this amazing piece by the Rev. Irene Munroe, she explains why we all have to work hard to remember Jordan's legacy because like too many others her legacy can fall within the cracks of identity politics.  Munroe states,

"Within lesbian circles, the place of bisexual women within the queer women's community was often marginal, if not non-existent, and their commitment to feminism was always suspect. Many lesbians believed that any women who had the ability to sexually love another women had a political obligation to identify as lesbian. Others believed that the compulsory nature of heterosexuality in our culture precluded all possibilities of women freely choosing a heterosexual relationship."

That's a sentiment I've heard but rejected my whole life, just because I can love a woman (or a man) doesn't means I have to.  My body is mine and belongs to me; the freedom of my bisexuality is the ability to define love within my own heart, instead of someone else's.

Munroe goes on to speak about destiny in a way I found encouraging and uplifting,

"Bisexuals are individuals who transgress the artificial socially constructed boundary of gender identity as well as the biologically constructed boundary of sex. Called "gatekeepers" by the Dagara of West Africa and "Two Spirit" by many Native Americans, bisexuals in these cultures were seen as having a special spiritual inheritance and earthly destiny."

Never have I heard so well put the calling I hear in my heart!  Many thanks to Heron Greensmith's work* which turned me onto June Jordan.  It was time, and I was ready :)

*Read Heron's blog and then check out her paper, "DRAWING BISEXUALITY BACK INTO THE PICTURE: HOW BISEXUALITY FITS INTO LGBT LEGAL STRATEGY TEN YEARS AFTER BISEXUAL ERASURE"

Thanks Frank Ocean, Happy Bi Pride Day

Happy Bi Pride Day! Many thanks to Advocate.com for asking me to write an op-ed on "Why I Celebrate Bisexual Pride":

Back in the 1990s I hadn’t even heard of the word bisexual, and coming from the small coastal California town of San Luis Obispo, my exposure to anything gay was very limited.  Having been raised in the Church of God in Christ, a primarily black Pentecostal denomination, I had been placed in pastoral care by elementary school so as to stamp out my unnatural urges.  My mom was doing what she then thought was right to save my soul, so I read from Ezekiel and had elders lay hands on me to pray that devil right on out. Like many queer folks, I escaped my confusion of sexuality into a clusterfuck of sexual activity because none of it made a whole lot of sense.  People told me I would “come out eventually,” but I didn’t have any idea what they were talking about, as I had a preference for living indoors and really hated camping.  So I carefully folded up my pictures ferreted out of a trashed Playboy, hid them under the bed, and prayed after doing such “bad things” at the end of every night.  My heart still pounds to think of my fear, to remember the feeling of being caught in an undertow, as if I jumped into the biggest wave, only to find the light lacking and the deepness of the ocean void of air.  It seemed I lived without breathing for years, caught between the worlds of gay and straight.- Read More at Advocate.com

CNN Covers "Flexisexuality" (link to video)

Loved that fluidity was defended! 

Check out the video!
http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/showbiz/2011/03/31/sbt.celebs.flexisexuality.hln.html

Check out Showbiz Tonight for Faith on TV

 BiNet USA President Faith Cheltenham (me) will be on Headline News Channel (formerly CNN2) to discuss "flexisexuality" tonite at 11pm.

CHANNEL LISTING
Time Warner Cable Channel 447
DirecTV     Channel 204
Dish Network     Channel 202 (SD/HD)
Sirius     Channel 133
XM     Channel 123
Verizon FiOS     Channel 192
AT&T U-verse     Channel 203 (SD) 1203 (HD)

Bisexuality Visible!

The San Francisco Human Rights Commission unanimously adopted a groundbreaking report examining the consequences of rendering bisexuals "invisible" at its meeting last week...

Recent studies have found that bisexuals are the largest population in the LGB community. According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2010, 3.1 percent of individuals self-identify as bisexual, compared to 2.5 percent as gay or lesbian. Yet, Ulrich pointed out bisexuals had poor health outcomes, lived in poverty, faced discrimination from both mainstream society and gay and lesbian, and weren't being served by queer organizations that have "B" in the name. Bisexuals "weren't considered at all" in funding for services or bisexual organizations or even mentioned in annual agency reports, she said.

Read all about it on the Bay Area Reporter! and download the full report today!

Many Congrats to Lindsasusan Ulrich for her hard work in preparing the report!

Hey, that's me in the AIB "It Gets Better" Video

Honored to take part and share my story. This one's for you Theo

DADT REPEALED!

DADT REPEALED!

Following the historic repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", Bi veteran leader Cliff Arnesen wrote an amazing letter you might be interested in reading.  To learn more about the New England GLBT Vets Inc, please visit http://www.newengland-glbt-vets.org/

Don't forget to read Cliff Arnesen's personal history on the BiNet USA website too.

"As a bisexual in the military, there is no distinction in terms of
punishment, no refuge in being bisexual. You get the same consequences;
you don't get half a discharge."--Cliff Arnesen: Quote from Lesbian News, October 2001

I'm in the US Census LGBT Outreach Campaign Video!

Look it was pretty hot in Dallas ok? Interestingly enough when I was in that FX Networks reality show, Black. White. I got caught on camera hellsa ASHY. Obviously, I need someone devoted to my moisture. Hmm...take that as you may!

Why We Fight: Equality Across America For Everyone!

This weekend, thousands of people will converge on the Nation's capital for the National March for Equality, an LGBT equality action led with the intent of training and educating activists to work in every city and state in our good nation.

They will be Bisexual, Gay, Transgender, Lesbian, Un-labeled and Straight. They will be people of color, women, men, non-gendered, older and young -- their only defining trait, a desire for equality and deserved respect. As a mass, we are individual no longer and basic freedoms to live, to love and to be married in the eyes of our state and country is a reason we must fight.

Free to be you and me, such a stunning and simple concept, yet for millennia human beings have fought for the right to turn from old ways and embrace the new ideals. The fight for sexual orientation is like the fight for women's rights and the fight for people of color to have the same access to schools and work. Each time a new battle emerges, and there are people ready to stand on a corner alone with their sign and to march, even in the smallest number as if to say I am here and I cannot wait for my rights to come to me. This weekend, take the time to embrace the new challenges facing humanity -- we will not be equal until there are no fights left!

P.S.
Be sure to cheer loudly for longtime Bisexual, People of Color and Social Justice activist, Penelope Williams who will speak as a representative of the Bisexual community and freedom itself!

Hottest Bisexual Ever: Amber Rose

Read my article on HRC's website!

In 2004, Diane Finnerty, co-director of the Raíces (Roots) project at the University of Iowa wrote an open letter beseeching her white Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender sisters and brothers to recognize the danger of being “enlisted knowingly or unknowingly in [a] racist agenda.” Finnerty advocated against making “statements that diminish the impact of racism” like “I’m surprised that you, as a person of color, wouldn’t understand this is a civil rights issue.” While marriage equality has become a dominating issue for LGBT Americans, according to the Human Rights Campaign’s new study, “At The Intersection: Race, Sexuality and Gender,” LGBT people of color still experience more discrimination due to race than because of sexual orientation. Shedding light on everyday experiences of LGBT people of color, “At the Intersection” exposes a collective truth outside of just anecdotal evidence while suggesting key talking points for discussing social justice across lines we have too long used to define.

- Read the rest on the Human Rights Campaign website, http://www.hrcbackstory.org/2009/08/equality-forward-faith-cheltenham/

LA Bi Center Kickoff Party, Smashing Success!

<---Your co-hosts, Mike Szymanski and Faith Cheltenham

Thanks to everyone who attended the LA Bi Center Kickoff Party! Great times, good times! Among our attendees:
LA's Human Rights Campaign Steering Committee
Courage Campaign
LA Gay and Lesbian Center
Queer Lounge(as seen at Sundance Film Festival)
Bliss Warrior
AMBI Los Angeles.


Some photos are here, more coming soon!